11. Passing Visit

"Perhaps, I will stay with you awhile, or even spend the winter, so that you can help me on my journey, wherever I go. I do not want to see you now and make only a passing visit; I hope to spend some time with you, if the Lord permits."

-1 Corinthians 16:6-7

When I read this, I thought of my sister Jen. I really have been wanting her to visit me in St. Paul because I haven't seen her since August. I really miss her and I really love her. After all, how great is it to have a family member be your best friend?

This is not a typical blog- seeing as it has been quite some time since I have sat down to blog. Just a quick thought on what I read today.

10. All the Glory

So, last night I went to something that was pretty epic.

Sufjan Stevens in concert.

It was unlike any concert I have been to.

And I have been to my fair share of concerts. Because I love them. [Maybe in a future blog, I will name them all.]

But this was honestly just super cool. There wasn't any crowd-surfing; there weren't any mosh pits. We all had assigned seats. It was like going to an orchestra concert on a whole new scale.
I think most of the audience was just captivated by the entire thing, myself included.
I found myself unable to remember any of the other songs while he was in the middle of a song. I was absorbed by it all. The music, the visual arts, the experience.

I only knew like 3 songs, which he played at the very end. But it didn't really matter. It was like going to a musical you have never seen before, but really enjoying it. I didn't have to know the songs. Plus, the songs make much more sense when you see him perform them live. I can get a glimpse of their meanings when I look at the lyrics, but this was like seeing him in his natural habitat. Each song is so rich, so full, so full of emotion.
And I became somewhat attatched to each one. It was odd.

The point(s) is(are):
1. Sufjan Stevens is one talented guy.
2. There are some insane things that go through his mind.
3. I'm a little jealous of that.
4. Because I know he understands some things about the Lord that I sure don't.

9. Leggings Are Not Pants.

Enough said.

8. To Sift You As Wheat.

For some reason, I can think of 20 titles I want to name my blog posts, but I have no idea how to organize my thoughts to figure out what to write about. So, today, I just write.

This weekend has been something quite unfamiliar. It is rather lonely too.
Everybody is gone, with family, off campus, having fun.
And I am having fun too, just in a lonely sort of way.
I wonder if my voice is going to sound different when it gets to finally talk to a friend after 3 days of talking to myself 0r singing.

Anyways, while all of my amigos were MIA, I went to Substance by myself. And I have really been enjoying the sermon series even though it initially seemed so selfish. It's called "Why Me?" about when we ask "Why Me?" to God when bad things happen, and I would encourage all of you to listen to them online at www.substancechurch.com

Today, I learned something incredible though. And I am almost angry it took me till now to figure it out. Pastor Nick talked about enduring the pain of our trials when we experience events out of our control, or that come out of the blue. And he said this:

Pain and trials are an opportunity for spiritual promotion.

Huh? And then it makes so much sense at the same time.

I know you have heard of Job, but have you actually ever read his story? The first two chapters are all you need to see that the devil is the one causing the pain, not the Lord.

Did you catch that?

Our pain is from living in a fallen world; it is from consequences for our own actions; it is from Satan, but it is not from God.

Which was like a breakthrough for me because I know that moment where I am shaking my fist to the sky, with an angry heart, asking God "Where are you?! Why did you do this to me?"
When all along, he is there, waiting patiently for me to see that He does not cause this harm.

Which gets to this other point.

Satan is the one testing us to see if we truly do believe what we say when we make others believe we trust in God. Do we trust in God during the good and the bad times? He is testing us by throwing trials in our faces to find out. And I have to say that I probably didn't pass.

God is not against us. He never has been. It is the devil who comes to "steal and kill and destroy." -John 10:10. It is God that never leaves us. It is Jesus who pleads that we will pass the test and trust him because Satan has asked that he be able to sift us like wheat, test us to get us to fail. - Luke 22:31-32

Because our faith is increased when we pass our tests. And I liked this part of the sermon- you don't need to study for it; you just have to know your answer to the question "Do you trust God?" If your answer is always yes, then good for you. You pass.

I think this is parallel with the prodigal son situation/dilemma/conversation.
Maybe the people who have not hit rock bottom either haven't been tested yet, or maybe, better yet- they continue to pass the little tests.

Thanks for reading my spiel on this. You should know that it is basically a copy of my sermon notes from this evening. So the credit goes to God and Pastor Nick at Substance.

7. Welcome Autumn

I am now composing my blogs from Minnesota.
And it's already cold.
I have never experienced such a sudden change in weather.
Literally, I moved into a dorm with no air conditioning and 99 degree sunny humid days outside my new window.
And today, I am wearing jeans and a jacket trying to stay warm as the chilliness of autumn began overnight.
That makes me think a lot about change. And how much change happens in life.
I think I am one of those people who doesn't mind change. I am not in love with brand new things and I certainly don't hate it when new things come up, but I definitely don't mind it.
I moved 1000 miles away for college and really didn't think twice about the distance.
I think change is pretty healthy. Life is way too short to live the same days over and over.
But it does get hard sometimes.
But it doesn't matter. Don't forget that God has the best intentions for our lives.
He throws us into new things or takes away old things because ultimately, he is leading us to the next chapter. And he genuinely loves us which is why he helps us out in that way.
So, when I think about how difficult it is to be in a new place, or moving in last year when I was an incoming freshman; or when I remember some of my friends who are experiencing complete life change based on circumstances in their lives this past year, I hold tight to this:

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6

It seems like one we always hear, but take it to heart. Pray if life throws you a curveball. God listens. He is in control. No need to worry. He offers us a peace we won't find anywhere else.
Because His will is what's best for his kingdom and ultimately for you too.

6. You Can Know

Do you know what will happen to you once you're dead?

It seems pretty harsh, but do you?

I'll tell you why I am asking, even though it brings me heartache.

This past week, I went to a funeral. Funerals are never something I look forward to especially when it is for a nine year old girl who I absolutely loved. My next door neighbor Taybor was killed in a go-kart accident this month and the reality of her abscence from my street is painful.
She was the first person I ever babysat. She was the best kind of kid to babysitt. I will never forget how much she means to me.

But I have to tell you that I know she is with God. And I don't think I could hold myself together if I knew she was not in Heaven. She was a child.

But what about the rest of us that get to experience life beyond third grade? Don't you think we are given opportunities for a reason? Here's the thing: This life is way too short already. And in the midst of this tragedy, I keep having this thought of who's next. Who am I to think a long life is guarenteed for me? Or that I have all the time in the world to tell my friends about Jesus.

What's the rush? The rush is that I genuinely feel sorrow for those of you who don't know him. He has completely restored me. If I couldn't live with him, I wouldn't want to live at all.
We all deserve death, but it is Jesus who conquered death to break a barrier.

The have been so many bible passages that scare the crap out of me and I want you to hear them. I hope they scare you too.

Matthew 7:21-23
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of Heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven...Then I will tell them plainly, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoer."

You guys- it's about KNOWING Jesus. Sure, you can believe in some higher being out there, but if that's all the spirituality you can handle in this one short life, then you are missing out.
You see, Jesus knows me. He knew Taybor. He knows you. Everything about me and you. The good, the bad, the very ugly. It was our sins that nailed him on a cross. And you better believe that he thought of you there and he loved you. He knows you; try to get to know him.

Luke 13:22-30
Just go read it. The door is narrow to Heaven. Make sure you're going to be let in.

Luke 16:19-31
Have you ever wondered what Hell might be like? Is it even real? Is it even that bad? If it's anything like earth, maybe it would be fun. Wrong.
We have a pretty good idea and it does not look fun at all. Agony. Suffering. Pain. And it never goes away. Can you imagine constant torment? The rich man in this bible story knows how terrible Hell is and begs Abraham to warn his family on earth about the reality of heaven and hell so they won't have to experience the torment. But it doesn't work that way. This story is our warning. The bible is our warning.
Death is not the end for you and me. There is either a life in paradise or a life in torture.

Sometimes I have this image that pops into my head. Instead of the rich man suffering in Hell, I think of the many people I know who do not know God or who don't care. I picture some of my really good friends and I am terrified of them ending up there. I don't want that.

Our days are not promised here on earth. Take action now for you're own sake. I cannot bear the idea of going to a funeral where I don't know if that friend is forever in peace, forever with the Lord. You can know where you'll be when life on earth ends. Figure it out.

So, please, PLEASE, realize that I am not trying to win points for being a better Chrisitan. I genuinely care about you and I can't stand the thought of you in constant torment.

Jesus cares about you too. Get to know him. You won't be disappointed.

5. Let's Love Him Back

Well, hello there.
I see it has been awhile that I have shared some thoughts with ya'll.

Today, I am going to write about something that I can't completely figure out.
It is mostly just a speculation my sister made and a bit of a sad reality.

And then I found something in the bible that somewhat related that I'll talk about at the end.

Here is the sad reality.

Have you ever noticed that most people tend to experience a rock bottom situation in their life? Like everything is spiraling downward and you are losing it. You reach the deepest and most desperate place. You can't get out on your own at this point. Your only hope is Jesus. Seriously.

I know that scenario all to well because it happened to me the summer before junior year of high school. And I finally just lay there (metaphorically, at the bottom of this pit) knowing that if I let myself continue, I would be laying there the rest of my life. And I had a Jesus experience. He saved me from that pit. I didn't deserve it, but it seems as though I had to reach the ultimate low point in order to recognize that Jesus loved me. And in return, and ever since, I have been able to recognize how much I love him. I have absolute faith in his power because of what I saw him do for my life, for me.

But WHY do we have to reach the bottom before we realize how AMAZING Jesus is?
It's easy for me to know, because I was there. But, why couldn't I have known sooner? Before I suffered through one of the most painful seasons of my life?

My sister and I have had this conversation a couple of times now. She is grateful because she has not yet had this "rock-bottom" experience, but she doesn't want it either. But she sees other people who have these incredible stories of where God delivered these people from their sins and their pits and she sees something in them that she doesn't quite understand. They have become so faithful, so in love with God. And I think that committment and love is what she envies because it doesn't feel the same. We reached a place where we had no choice but to depend on God. And when life had gone pretty well for you for however long you have been alive, it is hard to understand that dependence on God when you have not fully had to yet.

But the question is: Do you have to have an experience that forces you to depend on God with everything you have in order to obtain that level of intimate love with Him?

I want the answer to be no. I want it to be No, you can learn from other people's stories and just trust God with all your heart knowing that He can deliver you from anything if you know he loves you and will take care of you when trouble comes. That is faith, and it is something we're lacking so much in this generation.

So, here is what I found today in none other than the Holy Bible.
Luke 7:36-50. Go read it real quick.

It's basically a Pharisee invites Jesus to dinner and when he gets there, a sinful woman from the town hears he will be there and goes there. She weeps all over his feet, pours perfume on his feet, and kisses them. The Pharisee then says (and I am paraphrasing here) Hey, if you truly are a prophet, Jesus, then you would know what a sinner this woman is. And you would not let her touch you like that. And then Jesus, being the storyteller he is, tells a parable!
About two men who owe a moneylender money, one like $5 and the other $500. (Pretend it is denari or bible money) And the money lender forgives both men of their debt. Jesus then asks the Pharisee which man will love the moneylender more? And he replies correctly that it is the man who owed more.

Jesus then explains that the woman he views as a sinner has had more sins and experienced more forgiveness, therefore she shows him more love. She has experienced more of his grace. But the Pharisee has not shown nearly the same amount of love.

Check this verse out- it scares me: "Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven- for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 7:47)

So, here's the deal. Can it work in reverse? Maybe you haven't experienced that crap time of your life where you're desperate. Maybe instead of needing every ounce of Jesus' grace to forgive you for all your mess ups at that present time, you could instead choose to love much.
I know it hardly makes sense, but it also hardly seems fair that because you have been blessed by God with peace and a pretty decent life, that you can't love God with all your heart. It has got to be up to the individual. And maybe in a reverse way, reaching the bottom is easier because you see firsthand what God can do- and for you. But it comes with pain. If God has chosen to bless you, then try to see that as what God can do. And you don't have to "sin" a lot, to recieve God's grace.

Let's not forget how Christ died for each of us on the cross. That makes us all guilty and sinful. But it makes us all forgiven. And it means He loves all of us. It's up to us to decide if we want to love him back. And how much of our hearts we're willing to give over. So, if you know that pit scene, I hope it has brought you to love Jesus in a way that only us pit-reachers can understand. But if you don't know that, then I would encourage you to "love much" and realize that God loves you by protecting you from the pain in the world. He loves us all; let's love him back.

4. Farthest thing from Indie-fresh

You know what I love?--> Jars of Clay.

Sometimes I forget just how much I love them.
I love when I put my iPod on shuffle and rediscover songs that I used to be obsessed with from way back when. I always go through this same process whenever I find new music that I really like. I end up listening to that one artist or that CD like literally 50 times. I just listen to it every day for a good week or two. And I am just like this is such a good song, CD, artist, whatever. How could I ever get sick of this?

And then like a month or two later, it comes up on shuffle and I skip it because I don't really like it anymore. Or maybe I just out-listened it. But then, occasionally, one will come up and I'll let it play, and I am just like I forgot how much I love this song.

This tends to happen with a select few songs. But I love when it does.

I feel like somewhat of a loser when it comes to music- like I am not qualified to have an opinion about anything music related. Or at least that is how I think others see me.
So what if I am not "indie-fresh" or if sometimes (gasp) I listen to K-love.
I honestly am a little annoyed with the idea that if a song is popular, it would be uncool to like it.
But at the same time I am very annoyed with the idea that if iTunes or MTV says a song is cool, everyone adopts that same idea and thinks it is like the best thing ever.

Why can't we just choose what we like for ourselves? And so what if it is different from your best friend or neighbor or parent or whatever.

That's what I have decided I am going to do. I definitely love when cool indie-fresh people give me cool music to listen to because then I don't have to look for it myself. But I am not going to pretend to think its stellar if it actually is not my taste. Some of it definitely is; some of it is not. (Regina) And I refuse to have the top ten iTunes song on my pod just because it's on the top ten.

So, if you ever want some new music, I would love to share with you some of my favorites.
But don't be surprised when you discover a melting pot. One song Barcelona, the next Jonas Brothers, Jars of Clay, Gungor, Taylor Swift, Rush of Fools, Coldplay, Switchfoot, and hey maybe if you're lucky, some Steve (as in yes, the famous Steven Curtis Chapman).

The point is: Please don't judge me for having a different taste of music as you. I like my music and I love listening to songs I really like. I hope you have the same experience when you hear music you really like. If it brings you joy, then I'm glad for you. Although, you intense country jammers out there, I still don't understand your strange obsession, but I'm glad for you if it really does make you happy.

The end.

3. Building Bridges

I think for however long it takes, I am going to be writing about the hot topic of reconciliation. Mostly because I am trying to figure out how I feel about it. So, giant warning- this will be long. Today for my attempt at spending time with God, I decided I wanted to find some verses about reconciliation. This idea grabbed my attention the other day when a Foolish Things song came on my iPod. In "Find Your Way Back" there is this part in the song where the lyrics say "If my death can build a bridge for them, I'll bring them back to you." A few years ago, my dad and I were talking and he asked me if I knew what reconciliation was. And like, to be honest, its one of those words that you hear all the time, and you get the basic idea, but I didn't even know where to begin how to define it. He told me that all it is is building a bridge. And that has really stuck with me. So, when I heard those lyrics again in the song, I was reminded about the basic truth of the concept. It has thus sparked a number of different thoughts on the subject that I would like to share. I. True reconciliation- like the me-Jesus-God kind. II. What the heck is human reconciliation? III. Is it even possible? Is it even something worth trying for? So, numero I: Romans 5:10- "For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of his son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!" Very true. I can picture the whole scene of me, being the sinner I am, like hanging off a cliff or trapped on the side of a mountain or something and God and all His glory is across the valley on a glamorous mountain. Jesus is the bridge that gets me there. It's that simple. numero II: But how does reconciliation work on earth? And why does Bethel's chapel seem to be drowning in their goal to obtain it? To be honest, I am sick of it. It hardly seems like the same thing at all. I feel like because Christ reconciled us to his Father, we in turn have the opportunity to be reconciled to our "brothers and sisters" on earth. But does that mean all be in agreement on absolutely everything? Like little perfect Christian robots that are represented by every color of the rainbow and nation and tribe and ethnicity? I hope not. The bible says, "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought." (1 Corinthians 1:10) I feel like maybe what Bethel is doing is adopting verses like this one as some kind of divine obsession. But that is not what the context says to me in my reading of this verse. It's talking about how anyone could divide Christ. You just can't. Reconciliation to me is about healing. About reaching the unreachable. But we can't do it on our human effort. I certainly can't climb my way to Heaven or figure out my own way to escape sin to reach God. So, what are we trying to reconcile in chapel on MWF at 10? And why do certain people think that everyone is prejudice against anyone different? Just like how the Bible has verses about us avoiding division, at the same time, it has verses about being different. The simplest example I can think of is Romans 12 and the different parts of the body. God created us all differently. For a reason! What a boring earth if we all walked around doing the same thing. And what about this thought- how boring would it be for God if we all worshipped Him the same way. I love the idea of incorporating cool things from other cultures into our typical worship services. But only if we understand. The direction Bethel is going in chapel is missing the point to me. The student body is not against diversity or witnessing how other God followers worship Him. But I am against witnessing a worship service that is not authentic. It's a waste of my time, and more importantly, I think it is a waste of God's time. Especially when it makes me look like the bad guy and is defended by words like "reconciliation". I don't hate reconciliation!!!! I couldn't be more grateful for Christ's death- it's what allows me to know God! numero III: But I just cannot figure out how we are supposed to mimic such an incredible gift like that on earth. What Jesus did on the cross cannot be repeated. We'll never match that act of selflessness. Jesus took our sins to bring us to God. How is that the same as loving our neighbor and foreign brother and learning to adopt their worship style as our own because we are reconciled? They shouldn't have to adopt my worship style either. We can support each other by recognizing how creative God is and how cool it is that we get to worship him in hundreds of different languages and rhythms. And I personally think hearing the Bible spoken in a different language is beautiful. It makes me so excited to be a believer. But I am sick of standing in a room full of white people being asked to raise my hands and dance around to a song that should be sung by black people. God gifted them with amazing gospel talents that are so much fun to listen to and partake in. And I don't doubt that I could worship God that way when it feels real to me. But I think living at peace with one another is easier than some are trying to make it. At least living in peace as Christians. We should support one another in our individual relationships with God. We need to make sure our Christian friends have made their way on to the bridge Jesus built and made available. And for me, it is going to be different than a fellow believer from Asia or Africa or wherever the heck in this world they might be from. I have found the bridge! And I want to stay on it! Pretending to be from another culture won't plant me on the bridge better. I crave something that will encourage me in my walk across the bridge. And sometimes that is pure silence. Just listening to God or waiting for Him to speak. I don't think we're going to find this selfless and perfect reconciliation from Romans 5:10 here in our earthly relationships. And I honestly think maybe we should stop trying. Living at peace with one another is a completely different story. And appreciating other cultures is an entirely different story. Like from an entirely different book. You can disagree with me. But if you do, help me figure out why. Because I am not convinced we're headed in the right direction if we are going to be focusing on reconciliation on earth.

2. Magic Pants

Well folks, I am writing tonight from my all too comfortable TV room couch. And I am watching my all time favorite movie: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

I don't know what it is about this movie, but I will never get sick of it. It has a very odd power over my emotions and it can make me cry even in the first five minutes. It's like my comfort food in the form of a comfort movie. If I had a bowl of life cereal right now, or a grilled cheese sandwich, tonight would be one of the best in my book.

Well anyways, I think I love this movie so much mostly because it has 4 main characters in it and of course, I am one of 4 girls. And my sisters are my best friends. I would like one day to all be able to fit in the same pair of pants. My sister Liz is just skinny. Not that the rest of us are fat, she is just freakishly thin. Whatever Liz. Sorry if I embarrassed you by sharing that.

Oh well. That's what sisters are for. Embarrassing each other. Listening to each other. Hanging out with each other. Sharing clothes (sometimes). Yelling. Laughing. Praying. Loving.

I have always wondered what it would be like to have a brother, but I know it wouldn't be right for how God wanted me to experience life. Brothers just don't fit into my story and into my family's story. But I am glad to have guys just as friends. And I am grateful that I have guaranteed friends for life in the form of those three girls.

If you're not a girl, and you don't have sisters, then you won't understand. But maybe that is why no guys seems to have the same favorite movie as me.

Adios.

1. It's a no for princess diaries :(

I have to admit that I feel pretty cool having my own blog.
I have been wanting one for awhile now.
I don't even care if this never gets read, of course it would be cool if it did, but I like the idea of being able to have a written record of all my crazy thoughts and sharing them with whoever has the patience to listen and respond.

I don't think I will ever specifically have one thing to write about. Just whatever I am thinking about that day.

I kinda wanted to name my blog Princess Diaries, which of course a million other girls already have some kind of claim on. And then I tried like five different names with some of my favorite song lyrics, all of which were taken. And then I decided on something cool from the Bible.

"Two kinds of wisdom" is taken from James 3:13-18. And I find it appropriate because a lot of the time I find myself thinking about what is right vs. what is wrong and why life on earth seems to be so disordered. So, I do consistently wonder about understanding- which is already way too deep for my liking. But I mean understanding God's will and his law and his love. So I think I will be sharing a lot of my thoughts on whatever I read and experience.

So there you have it. Till next time.